My heart pounding so hard in my chest I felt like I could have had a heart attack any minute.  The sensation of the universe inside my chest beating a drum saying speak up, share your journey, be your authentic self.  My small Human Resources “Jo” self so worried what others would think, judging me for sharing my personal grief at work of losing a child.  

The battle of my nervous system and my true Inner guidance system in full swing as it came closer and closer to my turn to speak in the circle.  My armoured up “boxed in”little self was saying “only share professional Human Resources advise and resources, you are work”!

Be authentic, show your vulnerability, you can be imperfect at work, express your whole self…..Blah, blah, blah. 

Do you keep hearing this from the positive psychology gurus & shame and vulnerability experts?  What the heck does that mean.  All sounds pretty convincing on the surface level, whilst your inner world and nervous system is pulling on some pretty heavy brakes and saying ‘no way’.  

Often work, no matter what job title you have means competition for promotion, better money, performing, fitting in, judgement and comparison from others, throw a lack of self worth in there and do you think you want to bring your whole-self to work. Have I got you cringing and squirming at this whole-self business.  

Up until this life changing moment in my work in human resources, I put a lot of energy into suppressing who I actually was and what was happening in my world.  How weird would people think I am if I shared that my gorgeous 16 year old  son (Adam) who had passed, was talking to me, moving my hands into heart shape, wiping my tears with my own hands, holding me, talking to me and teaching me so much wisdom.

Can you say you actually bring your whole-self to work?  Maybe you compartmentalise your life, the ‘you’ at home is different to the ‘you’ at work.   The ‘you’ at home might be different to the ‘you’ with your friends. It is no wonder, how can you bring your whole-self to work when you may not even know who you are.  Up until this moment when my heart was pounding out of my chest I had contained the real “Jo” at work, stuffed down in a safe box, only there for a few trusted people to see.  

Wow, on this particular day the universe had other plans for my journey and wisdom, sitting in the circle I found myself speaking and sharing with a very open & vulnerable heart about how the medical system had done everything they could within their expertise & training to help our beautiful Adam. 

All the advise and resources from a Human Resources perspective disappeared in this moment and my authentic self showed up with an empowerment I had never known.  I held my emotions enough to express my truth and then with overwhelming relief the tears flowed. 

I did not share to this group that Adam told me after he passed that both the GP who saw him in the morning and the medical staff who saw him in the hospital did all they could for him with what they knew.  Adam had been showing me parts of my whole-self I could not see and now my purpose was to share.

My journey to who I actually am, has shown me that in order to bring your whole-self to work and to life in general, you need to first know who you are, your competent inner self, with unlimited potentials and an unseen wise part of you that is much more powerful and creative than your brain, nervous system and the limiting thoughts keeping you constrained and small. 

I have known for a while now that my purpose in life is to share my journey to bridge the gap between who we think we are as humans and who we actually are.  My whole-self is learning to be visible with this.

Rather than waiting for the universe to feel like it is beating a huge drum in your chest, be open to discovering who you actually are so you can bring your whole-self to work and to your life.