Leading from your heart when your team is triggered.

How do you hold space for a diverse team, in theory working together towards a goal,  when most of them are deeply triggered?  Some wanting to flee, others feeling angry, betrayed, relieved, struggling to cope or rejected.

Recently I witnessed a leader hold incredible space for a team of people with diverse needs, backgrounds, and trigger points supposedly working towards a common goal.  Many emotions and reactions were on display: anger, feeling let down, betrayed, wanting to leave. No mean feat for any leader to hold space in let alone a newly promoted one still finding their way in their position.

This team is full of competent people used to taking responsibility for their actions, being considerate of others and articulate. Yet this day, a different version of them showed up. Things were said, feelings hurt with the atmosphere thicker than a punching bag. Reacting from what Jo and I call “fog” rather than their authentic selves. Old wounds blocking access to their deeper support systems, wisdom and authenticity. The irony being the most triggered people felt they were being authentic. And they were - they were genuinely authentic and protecting of their wounded selves. But in the process wounding the team around them.

As a leader, it would be so easy for your own “fog”, old survival patterns to come to the fore. Perhaps you people please (fawn), need to be “right” (fight), find it hard to know what to do (freeze), postpone or call the meeting to an end (flight).  How have you reacted in the past if you’ve been in a situation like this?

Luckily for this team, the leader demonstrated and modelled exceptional heart based, authentic leadership. In particular:

• Compassion, understanding, maintaining clear boundaries, owning what was “her’s” - as in things she’d done that “contributed” to the outbursts.

• Inviting discussion, feedback, her authentic perspective of what was witnessed.

• Checking people's needs - what would help rekindle trust, support, solutions.

• Encouraging collaboration, coming back to their heart wisdom, listening deeply.

And while a little more exploring will be required, the teams genuine caring for each other evident by the end of the meeting.

I've witnessed team leaders bully, shutdown, be rude, fight, disregard others when triggered. It was a gift to witness this competent caring in this leader.

Taking time to explore what triggers you (your fog) and how to stay holding bigger perspectives can be invaluable when supporting others. It was powerful to recently witness this.

Reply or message us if you’d like to learn more about fog, authentic leadership and holding space for teams. Jo and I are currently writing a book with 8 clear steps to support authentically heart-based leaders.