Change: Shifting From Fear to Heart

Doesn’t change feel pretty uncertain, even scary, at times it can shake you to the very core? Change is a universal phenomenon, much like grief, change is experienced by all of us.   I have been reflecting on what it is about change that penetrates our sense of security and balance.

Personally, I’ve found that there are several aspects of change fuelling the unsteadiness arising within me.  Fear is a powerful emotion that seems to trigger whenever change is anywhere near us.  I find that myself and others have not recognised this as fear, there are so many other emotions cascading from deep fear that we miss this as the foundation beneath the layers of emotion that vibrate through us.

Our nervous system seems to kick in pretty quickly when change is in near vicinity. Protecting and blocking us from seeing that fear is the spark that started all of the emotional rollercoaster you can experience with life changes. Society, our upbringing, collective beliefs and norms, education, our work experiences, life’s challenges have conditioned us to avoid acknowledging, let alone naming our fear.  I find this fascinating as fear is part of the human condition, it has the capacity to paralyse us, limits what we think our potentials and possibilities are, prevents us from trying new things, keeps us invisible and small, reduces growth and evolvement, holds us back from meaningful relationships, love and connections and more.

Pause and reflect on times in your life when fear of change has impacted your decisions, choices or actions.  If you are like me you can probably think of many times in your life when fear has either stopped you in your tracks or changed the trajectory of your life in a way that was not empowering or positive. Fear of being seen has delayed my willingness to share my book, life's journey and wisdom with the world.

The second key aspect fuelling the unsteadiness of change is loss. Change and loss are intertwined, you cannot have loss without change and change without loss.   

The third aspect is control. As humans, control is at the core of our sense of inner balance, there appears to be continuum that each of us sit on with the need to feel we are in control. For some of us feeling like we have control is essential to our ability to navigate daily life, for others we sit in the middle of the continuum feeling we need some sense of control, there are others who instinctively know they do not have control over change in life, so have a level of acceptance or allowing.  Of course change is the only constant, therefore none of us have control over many the changes that we experience as part of life's journey.

Just recently, I experienced first hand the blow of change when my very cherished, amazing, heart based leader left our Organisation.  She was not only a leader, she modelled how to have people and their well-being at the centre of all that she did, I loved working with her and it was so refreshing working alongside someone who lead from authentic heart.  Initially,  I found myself dipping into the fear when I found out she was leaving, looping thoughts of how will this impact me and my job I love. A sense of loss also penetrated the boundaries I usually maintain, this sense of loss felt very real, yet I did not know what that would feel like when she had left. Of course the need for control was rearing its ugly head, I managed to tame it reminding myself that this was futile as I cannot control anything outside of myself.  Gratefully the fear subsided, sense of loss diminished and trying to control the situation was a past thought.  Do you want to know how I was able to move through these thoughts and emotions so quickly compared to when I let my brain and nervous system be the conductor?

What I have discovered is that the more I am anchored in my authentic heart the easier it is to step out of fear, navigate a sense of loss, wanting to control and that feeling that life is happening to me.

As I have discovered how to anchor in my authentic heart, when inevitable change happens, I am guided into deep trust and a knowing that is only accessed through my heart.  Our brains do not hold this wisdom and deep trust.  The brain conducts your life, behaviours, actions, thoughts, emotions, decisions through the past, programming, conditioning, beliefs.

Why would you want to anchor into your authentic heart next time you experience change and perhaps the fear, control and loss that partners with it? You are less likely to stay stuck in the fear, or the need to control and sense of loss.  Yes, you will experience these emotions, however they do not need to remain in your body when you can feel held, supported and guided by your authentic heart.

I have been reminded lately by my son Adam in light form that everything unfolding in my life is part of a much larger universal intelligence and a deep trust is needed from me to stay in my heart, as much as possible.  This wisdom was just what I needed to hear.

Next time you experience any type of change in your life, pause and notice where the emotions are coming from, if it is your brain, gently remind yourself that your brain and nervous system is telling you what to do from your past experience of life.  Take your focus to your heart space and breathe into your heart, notice if there is any resistance or blocks to centring in your heart, these are what we call the ‘fog’ around the heart, not your authentic heart’.  It can take some practice to fully anchor in your heart.  Take your time and notice how the wisdom, truth and guidance from your heart is your power partner during times of change and uncertainty in your life.